When your Black friends say they are unfriending folks for “political reasons,” here’s what they really mean

Just as striking as the horrific acts of January 6th’s violent riot at our nation’s Capitol, were the texts and posts of individuals sharing that they have unfriended or unfollowed someone for their political beliefs. To be clear, most of the individuals I noticed doing the unfriending were either Black, other people of color, or allies (white folks who proactively work in earnest to advance anti-racism).

I have let go of some connections online as well.

Just as striking, were the comments lecturing those doing the unfriending on the error of their ways, calling for civil discourse and for them reconsider and ‘honor different perspectives’ on politics.

Let me be clear: this is not about politics.

If you have discovered that you have been unfriended or unfollowed by a Black person because of your political beliefs, most likely the real reason is that you have been unfriended because your posts have revealed your heart, and it looks horrifying.

If you see yourself a good and kind person, perhaps some self-reflection is in order. You may not espouse racism and harm toward Blacks. Heck, you may even have attended a Black Lives Matter rally. But, if you post calling for “understanding the other side” when “the other side” behaves in a way that is harmful toward Black people, then you are simply standing hiding behind a veneer of political beliefs while vomiting out hate and perpetuation of it. It matters not if you agree.

We’ve decided that we are not going to hold your hair and rub your back while you vomit all over our house, while you benefit from the storming of our Capitols in our neighborhoods, school systems, criminal justice systems, and workplaces.

This isn’t about “being offended” either.

Trust me, Black folks have endured offenses for centuries. It is not being offended that is driving us to unfriend or unfollow you. The fact of the matter is, posts that condone, sympathize, or promote certain acts and groups that clearly perpetuate the very hate that allows us to be killed live on TV are traumatizing!

They make us feel unsafe.

They remind us that even people whom we call friends can refuse to acknowledge how painful it feels to be viewed as less than human.

They remind us just how little our lives matter and how little you care that the very acts you ask us to understand are an affront to our very existence.

They remind us that when it comes down to it, you are not bothered by the pain and humiliation of institutionalized hate, because you feel secure you will never be on the receiving end of it.

You see, this is behavior that is far from what we would accept from a “friend” offline, let alone follow them.

Nah, ‘friend.’ No more. The “not friends” have been exposed. We will pray for them/wish them well (well some of us), love them from afar, and kindly unfriend/follow them.

For our own health and well being, we must let the relationship go and spend time with people whose actions (including posting) are humane and compassionate. We’ll be here with open arms should they decide to repent, reconcile and heal together. Until then, deuces (peace-sign).

Unfriending you, therefore, is not an act of cancelling a person or conversation.

Unfriending you is an act of liberation.

Unfriending you is an act of self-care.

Unfriending you is an act of compassion…for the both of us.